What is the secret of many years of relationships: happiness or work?

Long -term relationships are longstanding partnerships happiness or work?

von OskarHolzberg30-jährige Ehen und lange Partnerschaften – ist das einfach nur Zufall oder steckt harte Arbeit dahinter? Psychologe und Paartherapeut Oskar Holzberg beantwortet diese Frage.

In short: Actually, I should know that from my own experience.Happiness is definitely.Work too.But above all: commitment.

Long -term relationships: coincidence or hard worked out?

Behind this question lurks the popular question about the secret of happy relationships.Do we just have to do everything right?Or is it just lucky to find the right partner, and then we can put our feet up in terms of relationship?Long -term relationships are equated with happy relationships, which of course is nonsense, you can also be quite unhappy for 40 years.And anyway, we should stop speaking of happy relationships if we actually mean constant, satisfactory (by the way: here you will find out why orgasm problems do not provide any information about whether our relationship is healthy or doomed.)))

But to come back to the question: Are these relationships now incidentally or hard worked out?When I ask my wife why we are together for so long, I get a very unromantic answer: she thinks we are both stubborn and would not be easily given up.I think she is right.We are both divorce children who have decided to do it differently than our parents.We have decided on each other and record it even in difficult times.And we have a certain willingness to suffer: So the conviction that life is not a pony farm is.

Commitment in partnerships

All of this contributes to what you call commitment and what you expressly exclude, for example, as a Mingle.Commitment is the ability to commit a task with all devotion to get involved and stay with it when it becomes difficult.You have to want relationship.In this respect, a long -term partnership is always also work.But rather as we could see food than a kind of work, and if you only shovel in junk food and do not chew properly, you get problems.And also who disregarded his own and the feelings of the partner.Commitment means reading the emotional relationship barometer daily and always producing a good climate.It is certainly lucky to find someone who pulls it through with one.

But if you think that it is only the right "matching", you are wrong.Yes, it is a win to find someone, fits our binding type or shares our sexual preferences. Doch eine Beziehung ist keine Rechenaufgabe, bei der 1 Richtige(r))) + 1 Richtige(r))) für immer die glücklichen 2 ergibt.We are different with our partner than we would be without him.And at the age of 28 we are also a different person than with 48 or with 63.We have many relationships within 30 years.And we certainly need luck to stay a couple over a long time.Where what appears to us later as "luck" were often other important factors that motivated us to stay a couple: common children, financial security, health, good friends, but also difficulties that have been mastered together.But it remains crucial to always maintain the inner connection.And sincerely share feelings: the good ones that combine us, like the "bad" that threaten us to separate.

Brigitte 16/2018 Brigitte

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