Stadtblog - the Zurich blog «Krawalle!But right."

In the middle of fun: Tourism in Zurich doesn't have to be boring.

Welcome, beloved May Day riot tourists!

Perhaps you are bored by the constant small football riots in your small town (Bern, Basel, etc.) and you finally want to hit the c ***** properly again, or you suffer from a vague political malaise, which has to be remedied with a few stone throws and a few container fires - in any case, you are at the right place with us in Zurich on May 1st.

But watch out! It's not that easy to take part in an unauthorized Nacho with the black block. The black block of the people of Zurich (like all people of Zurich) has its own way of belonging to the scene: you can't just show up and join in. This requires well-considered preparation. We at the city blog will be happy to help you with our new tourism leaflet:

Riots! But right.

A handy guide for out-of-town rioters.

Opt outOpt out of the demo in your home community. If you enjoy the hospitality of the Zurich City Police for a few days, your family and your employer (if you have one) need not worry. A phone call to the village police and everyone is reassured. The community is also happy if you want to serve the social service penalty pronounced in Zurich in your community.

The practical burqa of the autonomists: balaclava.

Dress codeBlack is hip. If you don't have an all-black outfit, you're welcome to use military camouflage. For reasons unknown to us, militant autonomists have a flair for colors and cuts that are otherwise only worn by members of the army or police task forces. But maybe the craft of violence connects people to fashion perception. And finally, your expensive brand-name trainers are still serving their actual purpose: you can run!

ToolsDon't worry, you don't need to bring cobblestones or bottles. The city provides the former (a handy crowbar is enough for a free purchase), the latter you can buy in the supermarket on the corner - with the advantage that once you have emptied them you also have the courage to face a casual confrontation with required by state power. In the spirit of general safety, if you are considering using Molotov cocktails, we ask that you transport the flammable liquids in secure, sealed containers until use. Safety first!

ArrivalIf you arrive with your beloved, leased BMW, avoid parking with a non-cantonal number in the area around District 4. Your car could suffer damage that is not covered by your insurance. Also avoid districts 1 and 8 this year, because where the class enemy lives is where the nacho begins. If you are arriving by train, we recommend practical, unobtrusive travel clothing. Anyone who gets off the train dressed in black and wearing a balaclava will never see city cops. The cantonal police responsible for HB get their share of rioters right off the train, a home delivery service so to speak.

DocumentsBe sure to bring your ID with you. Otherwise, the police might let you go again because the effort to determine your personal details is too high that day. And then you wouldn't be able to look into the astonished eyes of your friends when you want to shove the trespassing charges under their noses. No official record would attest to their exploits. And bring along any doctor's certificates that attest to your mental instability. This saves the lawyers from having to look for another defense at the hearing.

Free refreshment in between: Stapo water cannon.

Protection and medical careDon't overdo it with protective clothing. If your jacket is too thick, you won't have bruises from rubber bullets. And then why all the fun? As for tear gas, a little breeze of CS-infused water cannon never hurt anyone. Avoid puking all over your companion when they are nauseous. Most of the time they take it far more indignantly than the water from the police. Don't be afraid of batons. No one manages to walk upright within range of the Stapo's baton. After all, these are professionals. If you get improperly doctored by the scene's volunteers after the demo, you could even end up with a lasting scar from your adventures.

CredibilityNow it's time to get serious. They are armed inside and out to stand up to capitalism - or at least the city cop on duty that day. Only, you can't go after the state power without any reason, you need complicated motives for that. Imagine one of the local autonomists asking you the reason for their presence! So, go to the relevant websites and get acquainted with the current slogans to chant between the stone throws. If you don't have access to it, or if your small town doesn't have an anarchist regulars' table, fall back on universal, well-tried slogans:

«Rebellion, resistance, there is no quiet hinterland!»

"High international solidarity!"

«Wo-Wo-Wonige!»(A classic that will experience a revival this year)

and for secondos from the Latin-speaking area (Italos, Spaniards, French etc)

«El pueblo unido, jamás será vencido!»

ArrestShould you have missed being surrounded with all the other rioters and put in the mass cell, you are of course still entitled to special treatment. Approach a police officer, make eye contact, and say slowly and clearly, "You fascist oppressor pig!" Immediately you'll have real handcuffs (not those plastic ties) and a spacious solitary cell with medical first aid at your disposal.

SouvenirsSince many of our valued Krawall guests come from well-to-do middle-class families and are also a bit younger, it is essential to bring souvenirs with you for the desired «street credibility». In addition to the aforementioned bruises, tear gas eye infections, branching and poorly healed abrasion scars from drunk falls, we recommend breaking off the occasional Mercedes star or car rearview mirror. Individual rubber bullets are also perfect. They can later be fashionably worn around the neck on a silver chain and bear witness to the manhood ritual in Zurich.

We wish you lots of fun and entertainment on May 1st this year. Return home to your loved ones full of exciting impressions and adventures you have experienced.